bisexual, artist, and mother.

     i feel there is some unwritten taboo against writing about all of these characteristic in relation to one person, or expressing sexuality at all when rearing small children. so i am trying to try out these worries, trying to formulate the fears in a concrete matter,  so as too live more honestly and a be a better, artist and mother, as for bisexuality, that's probably the most tumultuous part coming to terms with the bisexuality as a permanent part of my identity regardless of being in love with my partner and monogamous.
on bisexuality,
    there are some pervasive and very harmful myths about bisexuals, their greedy, unfaithful, indecisive, unable to commit, really hetro/homosexual, just confused.  i have been fully aware of my orientation since i was 14. the majority of my relationships have been monogamous, i have been married for over 5 years. and i must say that i am a damn fine partner.
    my life has been made all the better by finding someone who accepts me, and loves every aspect of my identity, being honest with your partner from the beginning is key. you don't need to find another bisexual to relate to necessarily, its that kind of homogeneous xenophobic thinking that keeps everyone bigoted against everyone else,
    other then being sexually excited by both men and women, bisexuality delights in defying the binary, seeing issues beyond just black and white or chocolate and vanilla, the bisexual celebrated the spectrum and infinite shades  of gray, or may be this is part of my dyslexia bleeding through,
    its a failing of our education system that we set information in impermeable bubbles, science, math, social studies, english, all information categorized in to these topics and never shall there be overlap. it this segregation of knowledge that systematically and subtly effects the societal interactions.
     it breaks my heart when i see news stories of young people still committing suicide over being bullied in school due to the orientation, i was there over a decade ago, in the same shoes, high school er, bullied and suicidal(luckily unsuccessful on the 3rd), and between the 1990's and now not much has changed, fights for marriage freedoms have become more public but not much more successful, "don't ask. don't tell." is still in effect in the u.s. armed forces. and more often then not Homosexuals are regarded as comic relief in media. bisexual barely mentioned at all.
on being an artist
    really its ok. it's a real job, a solid life choice, and a valid decision. it is not necessarily easy, but it should be fun, you only get one life, there is only this moment so you might as well be enjoying your self, and your thoughts your intentions and your final product is a part of you and should not be held up in comparisons to others works, you don't paint to be van gogh, you appreciate van gogh and paint to express your self, you don't write a poem to be your favorite beat, you can write poems to your favorite beats or keats if he is who you fancy. the point is art is a part of all of us, it is joy and wonder, and some time anguish, it is emotions bleeding through the medium effecting the audience, it is catharsis and laughter, and it is for the betterment of your soul. ( yeah i don't believe in much but i do believe in the soul)
on motherhood
    stop the martyrdom! and try not to read parenting magazines they will only make you feel bad about yourself. it is a very hard job, it is a job, being a mother, and in the modern day and age where it's not enough to be a mom you need to decide if you can be a stay at home mom or be a working mother, a vaccinating or non vaccinating mother, a loca-vore, fregan, vegan, veterinarian, only organic, hypoallergenic, hmo free feeder, to co sleep or not, or maybe the attached to the bed but separate bed space solution,  do you nurse or not and why, and how did you get pregnant, it's all these option that bring about so much doubt as to weather your "doing it right?"
    there is no right way to be a mother, there is your way, the way that works for you and your child. i am a non-vaccinating, co-sleeping,crunchy hippi some times local and organic no pork feeding mom that got pregnant after having cervical cancer and being on the pill, it was not a concentionous effort but a happy occurrence.
i am a bisexual and artist and a mother, and for the month of November in 2010 i will be writing out, all the crazy nuances and joyful experiences that relate to being me. in celebration of national novel writing month,
this first entry was very autobiographical, i hope to work my way toward fiction and develop characters, i am leaving out actual names of myself, my children, and partner. out of respect and due to that fact that our global (internet) community is not as accepting as i hope it one day could be.